Letting the kids look after themselves

Well….kind of.  I’m not exactly suggesting that my 5 year old nips out to the shops for milk, or that my 2 year old runs his own bath or anything. But most kids can probably do more than we give them credit for.

My (almost) 2 year old has started fetching his shoes and bringing them to me when he knows we’re off out. I’m chuffed to bits about this – not only because it demonstrates how well his understanding is evolving, but also because I know that I helped make that possible for him.

Here’s how.

We have a ‘shoe cupboard’ of sorts. Well, it’s more like a shoe ‘hole’ in the wall. It is literally STUFFED with shoes. The front is open and it looks really messy (because we aren’t shutting it away behind cupboard doors, and because they’re all thrown in haphazardly). The kids know that’s where the shoes go. They’re not ordered or neatly put together, so as long as they take their shoes off and throw them in there – the job is done.

This all makes it wonderfully easy for my toddler to see where his shoes are, get hold of them, and then return them when finished.

The shoes are nice and low down (reachable), and it is obvious where they belong.

He gets the sense of independence, and pride at being able to participate in getting ready, and I have one less (tiny) task to do myself. Win Win.

We have a similar strategy with the kids coats. We have an ‘adult’ row of pegs, and a ‘child’ row of pegs. The child row of pegs is low enough for both kids to reach, and it is glaringly obvious near the front door. ‘Hang your coat up, put your shoes away’. No excuses, because we have adapted the environment to facilitate independence.

So I’ve been thinking….. There’s 3 strategies that I can think of to support my children in gaining independence in the home:

LOWER – put the things that the kids need, at the right height for them to reach. For example, if I want my 5 year old to start laying the table each day, I need to keep placemats and cutlery somewhere that he can get hold of them himself. Without my help.

RAISE – we have quite a few foot stools dotted around the house. This way, either of the kids can grab one and move it so they can access the sink, or the kitchen sideboard, or the books on the shelf. Without my help.

MAKE IT OBVIOUS – the shoe ‘hole’, the ‘child’ row of pegs, pictures on drawers (for those who can’t yet read). We can help enable independence by keeping things available, accessible and visible for our kids.

 

We wish you a Merry Sensory Overload

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I know it’s premature, and i know that i’ll be really sick of it by Christmas day, but our tree went up this weekend. And now i need to brace myself for 4 weeks of overtired, over excited, slightly delirious kids.

I’m easily over stimulated at the best of times – i hate noise, bright lights, scratchy textures – but Christmas is a whole other level of sensory overload.

Here’s some tips for avoiding sensory overload at home during this excitable festive period:

  • Declutter. I know, i know, how is that possible at this time of year? Cards, decorations, kids off school. I’m trying not to get too attached to ‘stuff’, ditching post once its been read, putting toys away before bed etc etc.
  • Minimise screen time. This time of year is brilliant for TV/Movies generally, but i try to only switch the box on when theres something i/we want to watch – instead of leaving it on all the time as background noise. (I hate that!!!)
  • Pay attention to lighting (not too bright! And maybe forego the ‘flashing’ option on the tree lights…), noise volume, and heat. A ‘hot’ house can make for ‘hot’ tempers.
  • Try to achieve a balance of activities through the day – activity, followed by rest time, followed by refuelling etc.
  • Set limits for duration of activities – screen time, social time, phone calls, interactions, exposure to crowds and noise. How long can you/your kids tolerate these before they begin to irritate? Make sure to stop them before that stage is reached.
  • Rest. Sleep in (I wish!), lounge on the sofa, plan activities for the afternoon. This time of year, more than ever, its important to make sure you/your kids get enough rest.

Ok. Thats it. I’ll try my best to do all of this (because i haven’t achieved it any year before!).

Here goes December – i’m coming in.

See you on the other side!

 

 

5 Reasons kids should be walking to school

Unfortunately my son’s (our chosen) school is too far away for us to walk there.

I’ve given us a week to get accustomed to the early morning routine, and now, i plan to drive some of the way and make us walk the rest (perhaps a mile or so). And here’s why:

  1. Daylight. Do i really need to explain why this is a good thing? Exposing our kids to daylight helps us synchronise important biorhythms, it is critical for promoting alertness, it raises our mood, and helps us to produce vitamin D.
  2. Exercise. When i was a kid, we didn’t need to ‘exercise’. Playing was exercise, because playing was not sitting, or being indoors, it was running and riding bikes and building camps. However, sometimes today’s kids need a little extra help to get the right amount of exercise, and its important because it helps maintain the right body weight, builds strong muscles and bones and improves the quantity and quality of sleep we achieve.
  3. Air. Ok i accept that depending upon where you live, your child may or may not be able to gulp lung fulls of ‘fresh air’, but regardless, they need ventilation. And arguably, the quality of indoor air can be far worse than the quality of outdoor air, even if you live in the city. Imagine all of those bugs coming out of snotty little noses and circulating around the classroom. Lovely.
  4. Sensory (proprioceptive) input. Kids need heavy work. I don’t mean sewing in a clothing factory, or working a production line. I mean, pushing, pulling, lifting, moving. Heavy resistance and input to the muscles and joints is essential for sensory processing and has a calming effect on the nervous system. Walking provides your child with calming sensory input.
  5. Time. Walking to school gives you and your child precious ‘now’ time to talk, share and reconnect. Or complain and drag heels….as the case may be!

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Embrace the Pace

So it’s the third week of the summer break from school and I’d describe myself as ‘surviving’.

Week one, I was clearly buoyed by a false sense of security. The kids were pretty chilled out and ready for a rest. ‘This is easy’ I thought. Beach time, a little TV, some lazy mornings.

Week two was hell on earth. It rained. The kids were little monsters. Both were poorly. The dog had fleas. I had my period. We cried. All of us. A lot.

Week three – Its a bit of a mixed bag. It’s only Monday, so a lot could happen.

Here are my findings thus far into the hols:

  1. There’s no point fighting it – just surrender. Surrender to the mess.
  2. Go outside. And stay there. Every day. I have two sons, and they need to be run like puppies. The beach is my friend.
  3. Don’t bother with clothes – kids in swimsuits. And then pyjamas. And then swimsuits again. They don’t really need washing do they……?
  4. Never, ever, go to the shops with the kids in tow. Ever. It will only end in tears.
  5. Expect to gain a few pounds in weight. Chips and ice cream anyone?
  6. Slow down. Embrace the pace. Don’t make plans. And definitely don’t make appointments. The stress of trying to get everyone there on time is the stuff of nightmares.

There’s still a few weeks to go.

Breathe deep. We can do this….

Why I’m letting my kids develop ‘bad habits’

If parenting is about keeping your kids at a distance. And teaching them to cope on their own. And refusing to give them things. And restricting, and routine, and ‘letting them know who’s boss’….. then i am happy to admit, i am really really rubbish at it.

My eldest son and i took a huge sack of stuff to the charity shop (thrift store) the other day. We have an agreement – if he helps me, he can choose a ‘new’ (used) toy from the same place that we  deliver our bag.

When i was speaking with the shop assistant, i happened to mention that agreement. Her response really threw me. “You’ll create a bad habit there if you’re not careful”. I can only assume that by ‘bad habit’ she meant that my son will expect something for helping me.

Some people might call me ‘soft’, but when did being a parent become ‘them against us’? I mean, its ok to give my child a gift right? And its ok to ‘reward’ him for his help? We’re on the same ‘team’. And i love them. And this is not a military operation. I’m not raising a little army.

I’m regularly offered advice (aka opinions) on how to raise my kids. My neighbour will openly tell me that my ‘downfall’ (as she so kindly put it) is that i carry and cuddle my kids too much……that i pick them up when they want me. And that thats wrong.

There’s an army of folks ready to tell me how i should put my kids in their bedroom and let them cry to sleep. How thats the only way i’ll ever get them to sleep alone. The only way i’ll ever stop them waking in the night. I’d really rather not. I like my kids. Even if they do ‘play me like a fiddle’ (to quote another warning i received). Even if i don’t get nearly enough sleep. Even if i often wake with a tiny foot in my face, or a finger in my ear.

I’m not a perfect parent. I probably get it wrong at some point every day. But i love my kids, and i also like them. And here’s the ‘bad habits’ i am happily letting them develop:

1. When they cry, i cuddle them. And i love it.

2. If they need me in the night, they can have me. Anytime. For as long as they want.

3. I carry them. Albeit for less time than i could when they were tiny. But they like to be carried. So i carry them.

4. If they don’t want to eat it, they don’t have to eat it.

5. I buy them treats. When i feel like it. As often as i can afford.

6. If they help me, i reward them. Sometimes its a biscuit. Sometimes its a trip to the park. But i reward them.

7. They can make a mess. This is their house as well as mine. They can leave their toys on the floor, they can leave comics lying around, they can pull out the contents of the bookcase. We’ll tidy it before bed.

If cherishing and treating and keeping my kids close is creating ‘bad habits’, so be it. My kids won’t always be ‘kids’. For now, I’m just throwing myself into it. They’re kids – lets throw caution to the wind and just enjoy it.

Music

We have a music box at home for the kids. They love it. I’m not sure what the neighbours think though……

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Shortly after my first son was born, I noticed that ‘instruments’ (usually the plastic cheap kind) are popular toys. I LOVE music, so I took this as an opportunity to start collecting beautiful, traditional instruments…….after all, why buy the cheap baby versions?

We have a mix of percussion instruments, whistles, flutes, xylophones (I can’t believe I managed to spell that!), as well as some home made bits and pieces (pots filled with rice for example). The kids love it. I love it.

I’m not sure how I’ll justify playing with it all once they’re no longer interested……..

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Notes to a first time Mother – part one

So now that I’m well under way with Motherhood second time around, I’ve got a few insights into the first experience……Things I’ve done differently this time around……Things i wish i’d known the first time.

1. Being pregnant SUCKS. Well, mostly anyway.

009Forced smile….pretending this is such fun…

Yes you’re growing a human being and yes that’s totally amazing etc etc……but you feel like crap. Most. Of. The time.

2. Labour is fine. Stop worrying about it. Baby has got to come out at some point. And no you’re not gonna die (hopefully…).

003He came out!

3. Baby needs to sleep. All. Of. The time. Don’t underestimate this. Let him, or help him to, sleep. A Lot. Or life will be very stressful for you both.

025Over tired = lots of crying = wheres the wine??

4. You need to sleep. All. Of. The time. But you wont be able to. Now where’s the justice in that?!

5. You will buy loads of STUFF for baby. Clothes (they’ll all get crapped on). Nursery decor (he’ll never sleep in there anyway). A cot (a COT!!!! What was i thinking???). Toys…. Don’t waste your money. He doesn’t need any of it really.

6. You will try to do too much. Stop it and sit down.

7. Your baby will be beautifully groomed and sweet smelling. You will look like crap. FACT.

8. Your house will look as if it has been ransacked. You will adjust your hygiene standards to accommodate this. Oh and poo will get everywhere….

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Poo – getting everywhere

9. 9pm will be a late night.

10. 3am will be party time – but not as you knew it.

11. But then this will happen:

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and everything will be more than OK.

 

Who do you trust…..?

Its very difficult to know who to listen to when you’re caring for your precious baby.  Theres so many people witnessing your tentative steps into parenthood. Most folks are very quick to offer you their advice – wanted or unwanted. Does it help? I’m not sure it does.

And then when you have a baby that has additional health problems………where do you look then? Who’s the expert then? I found most ‘unqualified’ advice about how to look after my son’s skin very unhelpful. It felt like a crticism. ‘How can he bear it?’ ‘Poor thing must be in agony’ ‘Havent you tried x, y, z?’. Yes!!!!!! Of course i bloody have!!!!!!! What do you think i am?!

Anyway, i digress. The point i want to make – is that running this small business is a very similar journey really.

I started without any experience of business. Nought. Zilch. Nada. And i’ve learnt as i’ve gone along. I’ve taught myself. I’ve made mistakes. Much like parenting.

It has been amazing, and challenging, and tiring, and difficult, and (occassionally) stressful – but also wonderfully liberating. The world of ‘business’ doesnt seem quite so exotic now…..quite so alien. I am starting to understand how it works. And i cant say i really ‘like’ it too much – but i LOVE making my natural products, and sharing them with others, and i just cant keep doing that unless i face the business world.

Now there’s a lot of folks that are very quick to offer you their advice (sound familiar?). And its very difficult to consider handing over your ‘baby’ (business) to those people’s care. Those folks havent shed the blood, sweat and tears to get the business to where it is now. They havent grafted week after week, month after month, without pay. They havent wondered where you’ll find the money to pay the next month’s studio rent. They haven’t studied and crafted and created. Its a true labour of love. Nothing less.

And suddenly there are folks so quick to tell you what to do next. What makes you so qualified? Where were you in the beginning when i really did need your help?

Who do you trust with your ‘baby’? Its a minefield……